“Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.” – Thomas Jefferson
Why did I start this blog in the first place? Why do I write? Why am I attempting to appear smarter than I am by starting this post with a quote from a dead guy?
I think I may have strayed from the path somewhat. I began this blog for one simple purpose; the pursuit of truth. I wanted to write honestly, within a public forum; to shed my soul, my sense of self, to hand over the keys to the car and walk home. I wanted to see what such honesty would do to my writing; to me. I have never really been a closed book. Sure, sometimes the pages were stuck together and the spine looked like it was going to fall out, but with the right and patient application the story of myself has always been readily available.
I feel very little shame for the stains on the rug of my life. My shame, if there is any, comes from deeper seeded feelings of worthlessness and self-doubt. At the time I started 40 And Flailing, I felt those darker feelings were tamed animals and I wanted to express that openness, that sense of fearlessness. Over time though, I have forgotten that feeling somewhat and have resorted to writing what I feel are homogenised, clinical blogs, designed for the eyes of an invisible choir and not my own.
I would like to reclaim my words.
I would like to see where they take me. Fearless. Bold. Sometimes poorly phrased.
All this does not mean that I intend to become a beret and skivvy wearing wanker who sits in the corner of dank coffee shops writing about the inequities of the world. I just intend to become a casually dressed wanker who writes dick jokes and self deprecating comments about himself while writing about the inequities of the world.
I would like to be free. I have heard that the truth does that.
We will see.
Now, here’s another quote from a dead guy….
“When in doubt, tell the truth.” – Mark Twain