Sure, Sting can have tantric sex for eight hours at a time but his songs are still rubbish.
There is something incredibly calming about the thought of rising five minutes before you go to sleep to sweep twigs from a pebble.
Just this afternoon I stared in amazement and some sense of horror as I watched the kids marathon through Katy Perry video clips.
I have never shot a man in Reno just to watch him die, though I did once watch my mum trip over the curb with arms full of shopping and nearly wet myself laughing.
Where normally there would be the sound of birds and the tide crashing against the beach there was silence, all hushed by the coming of a purer form of nature and the boy felt a tinge of excitement...
When i was younger it was the parents job to complain that the music was too loud, too aggressive, too everything.
The public pool is a funny place. You are half naked among strangers, engaged in the most physical of activities, your body and soul laid bare by its exertions.
Part of me wants to write articles about comics for the rest of my days. The other half wants to chuck everything in and move to the middle east and become a war correspondent.