My mum has a temper. So does my girlfriend.
Yet, as far as I know, neither of them have ever entered into a crowded room with a loaded semi-automatic and killed a bunch of strangers.
To be fair, neither has my dad, but my point is, women don’t seem to commit the same kind of atrocities as men. When another pointless, senseless and avoidable mass shooting happens in America, the inevitable conversation happens about tighter gun control and why the gun lobby refuses to pull its collective head out of its collective arse.
Yet it’s become blatantly clear that guns don’t kill people, it’s men that kill people.
The last woman I heard of bearing arms and killing a large number of people was Joan of Arc and she had her reasons. Also, the ones she killed were armed too which, you know, makes a difference. Yet of the 133 mass shootings which have occurred this year in America alone (that’s right, 133 according to the Gun Violence Archive), ALL of them were committed by men.
Is there something genetic within the male gene which cannot be contained? Is it something related to the penis? Is it a testicular issue? Does penis envy have a lot to answer for? I myself am a male (I have photos to prove it), yet the thought of firing a gun of any kind makes my arse clench and little girl tears to come from my eyes. Then I remember that I’m not American so I don’t count.
Yet the problem in America is so pronounced it seems redundant now to even ban semi-automatic weapons as this would only lead men to seek out thermo-nuclear weapons with which to commit their mass killings. Inevitably this would end in some kind of arsenal of ‘satellite type death rays’ being built which, of course, would be much worse, though very cool in a sci-fi sort of way.
No, there is only one answer that makes sense when it comes to arms control, that resonates with all humanity and guarantees our safety.
Only allow women to have guns.
That’s right, just slap an estrogen tester on the trigger so that no man can fire it and there you go, problem solved. The right to bear arms will not be infringed upon, so Charlton Heston’s rotting, twisted corpse can remain in whatever hell is reserved for him, they will just be beared by someone who’s not a total dickhead with aggression issues. We will also be safe from the dread programming which is so easily conducted on males by ISIS, as women seem to be able to think for themselves and incapable of being convinced that walking into a crowded nightclub and attempting to kill all within is even vaguely a rational or humane idea.
A wise man once said, “if women ruled the world there would be no more wars… just one long one that would go on forever.”
Perhaps, but I bet there wouldn’t be a single shot fired.