Being 40…

I feel there’s a lot of freedom to be found in your 40’s.

Having only just craned my neck into the dark and dusty recesses of this decade in my gradual aging, I can only estimate what is ahead. Still, i feel something falling away already, a feeling akin to leaving school, of classes being done, of a certain stage of apprenticeship being completed.

There seems an inevitability in what i do now; a sense of momentum pushing me onward so that whatever i do, work is going to get done. Things are going to be achieved.

Which is just as well because i’ve quit my job.

In two months, upon the eve of my 41st Birthday, i will be unemployed with no clear means of gaining an income.

Why, i hear you ask, why you stupid, tall, lanky and incredibly sexy Welshman!?! Well, there’s a lot of reasons.

The main one though, of course, is that I’m stupid.

Closely following this reasoning are those petulant siblings, happiness and freedom. One, I have come to realise, leads to the other. If you are not happy, you are not free and not only that, but if you are not happy, you will not be lead to freedom. Freedom is the removal of restraint, or repression and having been someone who has lived their whole life in repression, i know what i’m talking about.

I’ve never taken a punt on myself. I have committed to every other area of life except my own. I’m a bit player in my own life.

To quote Charlene, “I’ve been to paradise, but I’ve never been to me.” (And that will probably be the LAST quote by Charlene that ever sees light in this site, but just in case, check the link at the bottom).

My job makes me miserable. It hasn’t always been this way, but my life is in very much a different shape than it was 12 months ago and it’s time to make change. Things never change if there is never change, which is a nice quote i just thought up which would make a lovely meme if i didn’t hate the fucking things.

I’ve begun taking myself seriously. Not to the point where i don’t laugh at myself every second minute of the day, mind you, but I suppose i take what i do seriously now. I have realised that if i don’t place worth in what i do, who else will?

And i wonder why i haven’t done this previously, before realising that a cake tastes shit if it’s not baked long enough. That would make a rubbish meme but feel free to use it.

I’m ready to try. I don’t know if it will succeed, but if i do find myself shuffling back to my old job with a fresh job application in hand in a month or two, then at least i’ll know I took a shot.

And if Lee Harvey Oswald has taught us anything, it’s that you’ve always got to take your shot.

In the meantime if you have a spare couch for a five year old and his tall, welsh dad, then perhaps you can keep it free over the coming months.

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